Not Happy? Make A Change!

 I sometimes get frustrated when people in my life fall into patterns of dysfunctional behavior and are unable to become aware of it, stop it, and change it to solve their problems. Everyone is guilty of it at least during one time or another and it is normal and part of human nature but if this is how you move through an entire lifetime then what a waste! What is living if not also learning, changing, progressing in thought/action/spirituality/relationships? I do not like to dwell inside the problems in my life, I am solution orientated. Sure, I think some time is owed for venting, a little ruminating or brainstorming, but a fine line must be drawn between doing those things and stagnating in a dysfunctional behavior/thought, and avoiding a solution or in other words a change. I think many people get so caught up in their fears of change, the unknown, the "what if's" that they just continue stagnating or behaving/thinking in dysfunctional patterns because it is safe/known/comfortable for them. This is hard to really grasp deconstructing it all from an outsider position because what could be worse than staying in a dysfunctional thought/behavior? Logic would point to a desire to make a change, any change to improve the quality of one's life. Ex: "Johnny my boyfriend is abusive and calls me names, insults me constantly, refuses to hug me or even sleep in the same bed as me, and is constantly spending time with other girls" Anyone would agree that logically, this person should terminate their relationship with Johnny. It is surprising that logic is often ignored though. Many people fear that change could determine a worse outcome than the one they are currently experiencing...."Yeah, but if I leave Johnny then I will really be alone, their are no other guys out there who would ever date me, plus he helps me with some of the bills and I cannot pay then on my own." Instead of coming up with a plan to search for a second job, borrow money from a family member, or inquire about getting a roommate or temporarily living with a friend/family member until they are able to stand on their own two feet, this person quickly resolves to stay in the abusive relationship. Then their are others who do not trust their own perceptions, and talk themselves out of change "Oh, he really isn't that bad, I am exaggerating, I am really nasty to him too, sometimes I'll text an old boyfriend, we still have fun together". Of course their is always the real possibility that an alternative outcome could be worse than the current one or that one's perception of reality is falsely skewed but their are also real possibilities of change that include meeting new people, starting new hobbies, becoming involved in a new work place, learning more about yourself, etc.

What I have often done aside from reviewing past journal entries to search for a pattern of dysfunctional thoughts/behaviors is think about the length of time I have been unhappy about a particular situation. Personal Example:

I was unhappy working at my last job, this feeling consistently persisted over 1 year.

I then ask people in my life how often I speak about the situation I am in and whether it is mostly on good or bad terms.

At the time when I asked my friends/family if I spoke about my job in more positive terms/negative terms over the past couple of months they assured me it was mostly negative. Many of them had began to question my desire to enter the field of social work all together because of how frequently I talked about how much I didn't like my job.

I then spend time venting about my situation and brainstorming ways to change it with friends and family members.

I began doing the above with my friends and family who all gave me wonderful suggestions and who were excellent soundboards for ideas.

I then began sending out my resume, networking in my field and talking to anyone I could about my interest in job openings, applied to the same agency I was interested in working for 4 times at 3 different site locations, began working a a few hours weekly at a second job to get my foot in the door because they did not have any available full time positions. I also used visualization tactics (law of attraction) every night before bed for months!

It took 6 months but it worked and now I am working at a new job that I enjoy much more! Everything about my work life has changed for the better. I have a better schedule, I work with people I enjoy being around, I am developing better counseling skills, and getting the supervision I need to become licensed as a clinical social worker! Literally all aspects that I was unhappy with at my last job have been resolved! Sure, I imagined landing a job that I would dislike more than the the one I had, and I also wrestled with thoughts that maybe it wasn't so bad and I should maybe tough it out. I am so glad that I never gave into those thoughts because I wouldn't have achieved the satisfaction I have today without making a change!